Chronicles of a Soldier
Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Happy Birthday Seyi!!!!

We love you Seyi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's dare!
Buhahahahahahahaha, I am falling on the floor laughing my ass off! Buhahahahaha!!!! Okay so I did the next office dare a few seconds ago....this is sooooo much fun! I know everyone in my office and they know me too, so its hard to find someone I dont know but there is this one chick that I dont particularly care for, as in she is fresh out of college and dresses like she is pole dancing! She is a cross between hoochie mama and whit trash. Then like early last year, she caught herself trying to give me orders...I set her straight with a quickness QB dont play that and we have not spoken since!

How about I called the heifer and said "Hi", she responded with a surprised "Hi", then I went on to say "I just wanted to let you know I cant talk right now" I nearly peed my pants from the arkward silenced that followed, she the said "ok" like she was expecting more, I said "bye" and hung up!

Omo this shit is giving me a head rush...ok back to work, I just wanted to fill you in on my dares. Buhahahahahahahaha

Monday, January 29, 2007

1. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?cheetah stockings, cream satin shirt, black and brown skirt, black pumps, black sweater



4. CAN YOU JUGGLE? no...no eye and hand coordination

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Jrice/friedrice and meat







12. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? tired


14. FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? tequila...top shelf


16. FAVOURITE SPORTS?Blogging...it should be a sport

17. HAIR COLOUR? black this month

18. EYE COLOUR? Dark Brown

20. TATTOOS OR PIERCING? 8 piercings in total, 2 tatoos

21. STAR SIGN? Virgo

22. FAVOURITE MONTH? February...tax return

24. FAVOURITE FOOD? Eba and efo

25. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Nicholas Cage and some lost little girl..some weird movie

27. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? December 31...you get to start all over

28. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Yes..is that weird?



31. HUGS OR KISSES? kisses






37. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING NOW? who moved my cheese

38. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? dont have one

39. FAVOURITE BOARD GAME? monopoly...I kick major ass

40. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Worke on my I-9



This was fun, now I tag....Desola, Calabar girl, Ore and ICY

Dayo Awani Baby Shower
This weekend was tooo bunz! Nevermind the fact that I am tired as hell! I had a blast!
Let me tell you something about Raleigh folks…they know how to have fun. If you are looking for a place that feels like home, where folks will always have your back…its Raleigh. We have our moments no doubt, plenty of drama, loads of issues but then again who doesn’t? When its all said and done…this is home sweet home. I love my fellow Ralites!!!!

For Dayo’s Shower, everyone pulled together to make it happen, it was amazing to watch! I made a list of the things we needed and EVERYONE came through! Ok so maybe we need to work on our punctuality, I mean Da hell? We called the shower 4pm and did not start till 8pm…now that’s bad! We had fun though….
It was a co-ed shower so I made sure there were games that would engage the men! ***Side track*** Men are so damn competitive! You would think they were winning money or running for Presidency! *** End side track*** Dayo arrived at about 8pm, husband in tow, there were lots of food and drinks for everyone. My only complaint is maintaining order in the building…I mean Good Gawd! No wonder no one wants to be my neighbor, I am either smoking up the joint with my epo gigba , smelling up the joint with Iru, taking up all the damn visitors parking with my guests’ cars or making enough noise with my guest to wake up dead folks! Mehn! Shu…I am glad I am not my neighbor…hehehehe

Dayo's Baby Shower

Dayo and Tuoyo…congratulations once again, I pray for a safe fast delivery, no epi no c-section…amen!! I get first dibs on godmother, I know it’s between Remi and I …and since she got to be Maid of Honor….ahem….I am up for godmother!! It only makes sense because Eleba is the godfather…hehehehe!

My babies LP and Dammy stayed behind to help me clean up. I was sooo tired! I remember talking to Lolade and Dammy, gisting about all sorts of crap, I don’t even remember when they left sef, I fell straight out! I woke up at about 7am to find that I was on the couch, all my clothes from the night before still on! Ade came in to remind me that we are cooking for Big Seg this morning…how can I forget? A few minutes later Big Seg came by to scoop me and I joined Ade to cook the rest of the food. Remi and Dupe had done most of the work the night before. Needless to say I am not going to church today!

I got home at about Noon and slept the rest of the day…OMO, my name is Bola and I am one tired MOFO!!!

I started my office dare today….1) Run one lap around the office at top speed. I sooo wanted to take a picture, but my camera is not charged! It was weird, I got some worried looks and a few questions, mainly asking if I was alright… “like yeah… Why do you ask?”

Friday, January 26, 2007

Friday maddness!!!
OK .....so starting next week, I am going to try out one of these dares per day...I will keep you posted on how it goes. The uptight MOFOs I work with could use some Bola in their lives. I have highlighted my favorites. I dare you to join me! YES its official...I am CERTIFIABLY MAD!!!!
Funny enough I have actually done a couple of these thngs before...#2 and # 3 an I wasnt even playing.... so I'll skip those....buhahaha!

Office Dares:

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other
non-player must be in the toilet at the time).

3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,
"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
and grimace.

6) Someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,
"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it
out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barreled fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did
you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from
the nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would
be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they
watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to
go do a number two".

5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As
"The report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".

8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God
is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".

9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna

11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk
about it".

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's
won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during
a very important conference call.

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of
your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit;
smash each biscuit with your fist.

18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair
towards the door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,
move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you... How to keep a healthy level of

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6) In the subject field for all your e-mails, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS".

7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8) Don't use any punctuation

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12) Sing along at the opera.

13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
jungle sounds all day.

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!
3rd time this week!!!"

18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Valentine is coming!!!!!
Okay…so it’s that time of the year again Valentine! Its coming o, about 3 weeks away! Women love it! Men abhor it! But hey its here so lets deal with it!

My last two valentine were suckful (meaning it sucked a lot!) to say the least. I know last year I had just started a relationship and the dude was one of those anti-valentine, I was upset he wasn’t all romantic and he couldn’t even figure out what he had done, either that or he was playing stupid, somehow I am leaning on the later. So anyway it’s a New Year so don’t get it twisted.
Here are some valentine rules to help you.

  1. Do not even try to pick a fight right before Valentine to excuse your pathetic ass from gift exchange….we are soooo on to you!!!!
  2. Do not buy anything from Victoria Secret, That is sooooo played out so be original
  3. Do not give all the women in your life the same gift! That is just wicked!!! It somehow leaks and it’s a major blow to our ego!
  4. You don’t have to spend a whole lot of money, be creative !
  5. Dinner and a movie does not count as Valentine presents!
  6. If you must send flowers, send them to her job, women looooovvvve the attention!
  7. Do not recycle gifts you received!
  8. Just because you are married now does not mean she doesn’t get a gift!
  9. Do not borrow money from one chick to buy another chick a gift! (Believe me it happens!) thats just tacky!
  10. Perishables are not ideal gifts (We are not in Naija so save the sweet sensations for yo mama!), you want to create a lasting impression.

Speaking of sef….remember in Naija, valentine was the perfect opportunity for that dude that has been eyeing you to make that bold move! LOL!!! Damn we were so corny! You would get a cake and like 10 different cards from the same person o! I never understood the logic behind sending multiple cards?! O and the stuffed animals were all over the damn place; the bigger your stuffed animal the more dude was feeling you! Buhahahaha. I don’t know what the hot pastry joint is now but in my day it was Sweet Sensation and Baker’s World! Damn I miss Naija! Now imagine the kind of slap you would dish a Mofo that got you a box of Krispie Kremes for Valentine…Da hell! Buhahaha

Now let me tell you..... That old ass trick of fronting like you are not even into valentine or that it’s just another day just cause your monkey ass didnt get crap…BULLOCKS!!! That may be true for a few women but for the rest of us….hell yeah we care! You aint fooling nobody!

And for the guys that don’t want a girl to misinterpret a valentine’s gift for a proposal, be sure to read the card carefully and don’t use words like love and be mine…..nba nba nba! Instead make a joke out of it and get humorous cards and ones intended for friends. Same with the gifts, try something that has no intimate implication like a CD, gift card for a pedicure or tickets to Bowling.

A couple years ago I got a candle from this dude for Valentine, it was a very subtle way of saying “I’m just not that into you” and I got it. If you go get some underwear or perfume and you expect her to not read into it….Wrong!!!

Holler at me, I have some unique ideas for gifts and gestures that will melt any heart…guaranteed!

So this Valentine lets have some fun and bring out the romantic side in all of us.
And ladies…don’t get it twisted it’s a time to exchange gifts not just receive so lets use our imagination.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

And how is your Thursday?
Its Thursday and I am on the verge of tears because my head is aching like mad! I woke up with the blasted headache and did not get out of bed till 10:30am! I screamed at Molayo because she kept interrupting by damn sleep! "Mummy there is no school today..its snowing" da hell? I turned on the T.V and Wosssa! there it was...all wake county schools are closed! What the hell is wrong with these people? It barely an inch of stupid snow and they are going bonkers! Same thing a couple years ago, they shut down everything and the roads were blocked for hours, some kids spent the night in their schools because their parents couldn't get to them! It never snow here, once a year on the average. Oh well there goes my morning, and the damn headache where is that coming from?

I got to work at about Noon, only to find that the entire office is milking this snow thing for all its worth! I was the only Mofo in the building, me and this other Mofo that thinks she is in our CEO's will!
Hey...good for me, I will eBay all day long and blog and contact all my friends and I may even Hi5! I will do anything but work!

I called the IRS, apparently I owe them from 2005 because I did not the 4k I made from my side job! They say I owe them 1.8K is that legal? that is almost half! Its so not my fault that the W-2 came all late and I already filed rapid refund! An hour of arguing later...I still have to pay...Oh damn! My headache just got worse! Nothing Ila asepo and Amala won't fix...dinner over my house tonight!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Moji's birthday weekend
At the last minute I decided to go to MD…why not? All my peeps were going to be out of town and it was Mo’s birthday dinner anyway! Omolayo was really excited about going; Remi was taking her for a birthday party along with four other kids. Anyway I packed all our things on Thursday and tried to find a ticket on hotwire. I finally found one that seemed reasonable and I bought it only to find out that it was for a flight scheduled for 12 noon on Friday. I called my boss to request the day off, I mean I don’t get to work until about 10:30/11 ish so there was no point.

My girl Karen dropped me off at the airport and I had missed my flight! That is just great! For once can I just be on time for something! I mean damn!! I really need to work on my punctuality issues…so help me God. I was able to catch the 2pm flight and got to DC at about 3pm. Come to find out my dumb ass bought a ticket to Dulles!!! Who flies to Dulles? Da hell, I had no idea, I was thinking we landed in National Airport! Oh damn, Moji’s house is about 2 hrs from Dulles and the heifer is at work! I called Ekpen and Uncle Timi neither of them could get to me till 7pm!!! I will be damned if I stay in this airport for that long. LA was getting her hair done and it was official…I was stranded!!!!

After my 4th cigarette, I had an Einstein moment!! I will just rent a car!!! Duh!!! Ok so I grabbed my luggage and got on the shuttle to the car rental, 2 minutes later, I had a car! I drove happily, first to the grocery store to pick up some squash to make dinner, and then to Moji’s house. Ekpen came by for dinner and the 3 of us stayed up till 5am!

Moji and I spent he entire day at the mall, a lady at Nordstrom asked me if I’d like to work there as a personal shopper!!! Hehehe are you fa real! I was so excited, then I told her I live in North kakilaki! How about everybody was having mad sale!!! Omo, I had to respect myself o…shopping is not at the top of my to-do list but I did cop me some sexy aviators and was dying to put them on…..sun or no sun.

LA was at Moji’s house when we got there and we got ready quickly for dinner. Dupe joined us and we headed out. The restaurant was beautiful, very warm and cozy ambiance, I would love to dine here with Kunsh someday, I even got a table picked out…hehehe.

There were 22 guests in total; Moji pre-paid for the appetizers and dessert and we split the rest of the bill Dutch. I wont front I almost had a stroke when I saw the bill, I told the lady it must have been a typo! Da hell? $800 pa for wetin? But then again divived by 22 people …..Phew!!! Aii Bola…inhale, exhale…breathe! I’m good now. But I am saying though, yall could have given me …errhhh $300 and I would have hooked up the best Obe buka yall ever had!!! LOL We went around the table introduced ourselves and said how we met Moji....alot of cute stories.
Moji's bday wknd 07

After dinner we all went to some Kamp Baltimore joint, them heifer had me lead convoy…big mistake! I took the whole bunch (about 8 cars) to the gas station for some cigarettes and then I ran every other red light till we got to the lounge. There was no parking anywhere so I parked at some convenient store and told the owner my car broke down and I was waiting for triple A. Buhahahaha…Dupe gave me props for that was a classic lie.

We partied to some house music and a little hip hop till about 2pm. I was the designated driver back home too…they never learn. We got home and crashed, but not before Moji made us view the pictures on her plasma and eat all out leftovers from dinner.

I missed my flight twice on Sunday and was on standby for the 5pm flight. I cried the whole way back because there was turbulence, the guy next to me was trying to keep me calm and I prayed he would just shut the hell up because he made it worse! Thank God we landed safely, it was a 45 minutes flight but it seemed like 2 days!!

The damn airline lost my luggage and took down my information incase they found it…Incase wo…in fact I pray you don’t find it, I am in dire need of a new laptop anyway! Hehehe. Dee Dee picked me up for the airport and we spent the evening with Gbemi, I cooked J rice and chicken and we watched desperate housewives.

Absolutely fabulous weekend!!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Inspired by Desola’s blog, today I decided to write about old love. We have all had our heart broken at one point or another and it’s such a devastating feeling that at the time you are convinced you can never heal….wrong! Oftentimes we let the pain deter us from loving again or become pessimist and ruin any good thing that comes our way.

When I was in Naija, I had the best boyfriend any girl could wish for; he was attentive, patient, kind, handsome and then some, we spent every waking minute together and were the envy of all our friends, life was gravy but short-lived, I moved back to the States and he gave up on us…I knew we could do it, I mean what are the odds of finding a soul mate twice in a lifetime? The communication was one sided and we eventually fell apart. For years he was the standard by which every man was measured, I called him even after I was engaged to my Daughter’s father, he was pleasant but not overly excited to speak with me, I realized I hurt him but he gave up on us.

I did not completely snap out of it until a few years ago, a mutual friend sat quietly and listened as I went on and on about dude and all my “what if” and ‘if only”. She told me to get over it and move on and she was very candid yet very sincere and that was all it took.

Then there was the scandal early last year, that made me want to crawl into a hole and isolate myself forever….honestly I never thought I would get over that! I was scarred beyond repair and I just wanted to rewind time to where it never even happened.
I’ve come to realize all these things make us who we are, we learn from them and it builds our character and no matter how difficult or painful or even angry you get you get over it!! At the time it doesn’t seem like it but you do…time fixes everything! Now…. I just want to hug everybody and sing KUMBAYA!!!!

Fuck what you’ve heard everyone has a story to tell, and if you have never hurt someone and never been hurt then you haven’t lived! Some of us are more vulnerable than others but for the most part we all get our feelings hurt. The point is there is light at the end of that Tunnel, as I told Desola, when you find that ONE that God has meticulously prepared for you it is soooo worth the wait. When Ade said that to me last year “Bola, I know you are hurting right now but when you meet that ONE that God has prepared for just you, you will be glad it took this long and it will be worth the wait” I wanted to bitch slap her, I looked at her like she had lost her damn mind but she was sooooo on point…I see that now.

So the odds may be against you but like I say add up enough odds and you are even.
Sing with me yall….Kumbaya!!!!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Have you been tested?
Last month Yetti blogged about HIV, the epidemic that seems to have instilled fear in man kind all over the world. As I read her blog, I thought about the last time I was tested for HIV about 2 years ands 8 months ago to be exact. Here we go again…it’s a new year and I was not playing when I said this is my year of great things. I called up my girl Dupsy to go with me and she decided to take the test as well. I don’t know what it is with my Naija folks but we swear up and down that we are immune to the disease or maybe we think ignorance is bliss and what you don’t know can’t kill you! Every time I ask someone if they’ve been tested I just get the “Omo…God forbid” or “for what now?” like I am judging them or something. Since last month I have been making plans to go get tested and for some weird reason, I have been putting it off. Dupe suggested we go to the State facility and get it done free but I won’t lie, I don’t trust those MOFOs besides you wait for your result for about 2 weeks, the fear of not knowing alone can kill you! Omo..not I Omobolanle…I shallant, I will gladly dish out $59 bucks and call it a day.
So anyhow, Dupe and I decided to do the damn thing! Dupe met me at my office and we drove down to the lab and it took like 2minutes and we were out. We decided to treat ourselves to some Japanese cuisine for good behavior…..Now the wait. I called the number to check the results this morning and all is well.
It really got me thinking though….you hear on TV and read the papers everyday about how this shit is all over the damn place and all it takes is for you to slip up one time with some generous MOFO and its over! It is stereotypical of people to attribute HIV with promiscuity but lets stop being ignorant and think for a quick second….there are so many ways to contract the disease we should just pray for God grace.
My girlfriend told me about this one chick that has never been with any other dude and has been married to this guy for about 4 years…they have 2 kids….young girl o, about 29, come to find out the MOFO has been dipping on her and she is now HIV positive., I don’t know her personally but it really made me mad!
Da hell and there are many such stories especially in Naija with the older generation, the men dip on their wives with college students on a regular and they bring all the kurujeje home to their wives! Lord have mercy….Oh and then the one that really bothered me was the pastor’s wife in Lagos who tested positive, apparently she had it before she married the pastor and now katakata don burst!
I pray for all my friends and family that this dreaded disease will not be our portion in Jesus name…Amen. Praying is not enough though; if you absolutely must do the do, please wrap it up!

Hey if you havent been test just go do it! If you want the results ASAP…call 1-888-peace4u or you can log on to www.Requestatest.com its confidential and it cost $59

Monday, January 08, 2007

Happy New Year!!!
Phew…we made it, its 07 baby!! I don’t know about you but mehn…God is good!!!! Last year was pretty cool; I sent out a few Christmas cards, I even bought gifts for the kids around me. I spent all my money shopping but what else is new? I made peace with all my enemies …dem plenty no be small! I had a good 06, it started out kind a rough but by June omo, I was on cloud nine.
Enough about the past, I am itching to see what 07 holds in store for me.
Since its January, let me send out all my shout outs to the Capricorns in my life!

Dayo Awani
Tope Awoye
Dayo Adeyanju

Happy birthday yall, did I forget anyone? Probably not…. Moving on, I have been doing a lot of thinking this month and I have come to the conclusion that, it is my year! I receive my blessings, my healing, and my abundance this year.

So anyway…do you eBay? That is my latest obsession, I have spent the last three weeks learning the ropes on eBay, selling all kinds of things and making a killing, its amazing the type of attention you get from eBay, this may be the cure for my ADD, I mean, I get unlimited attention and I make money all in one…loving it!!! Let me warn you though this ebay mess can be addictive o! I am steady logged on to my eBay account, harassing folks to pay on the items they won and coming up with the next thing I will sell for profit. The down side is that I catch myself buying shit on eBay too…after my last experience with my cell phone, you would think QB has learned a lesson, but no sir….I just dey fuel the fire!
I can’t imagine the kind of trouble I will get into when my IT folks take a look at my cookies! Oh damn! Can any of you IT gurus tell me how I can delete my cookies permanently? As in no trace of where I’ve been on the web? Holla at your girl.

The Odds are against me but pile up enough Odds and you are Even. The inevitability of my ability to consistently overcome overwhelms me. As do the magnificence of God's grace towards me and mine. I marvel at my proximity to my destiny. I am astounded that Can't, Won't and Later disrupt my journey to greatness. A conscious decision is mine to make and christen them Can, Will and Now! My reflection gazes back at me with another challenge at hand, procrastination hinders my reaching my destination. Don't tell me where I should go till you walk in my shoes. Yesterdays mistakes are for tomorrows amends, yet I ponder on them like the hand of time changes? Mediocrity has become a comfort zone and I have turned obstacles into road-blocks rather than stepping-stones, I find myself compromising my integrity as I try to maintain the status quo. How easy it is to condemn me and defame my character, when you really should commend me, and applaud my efforts. Intimidated by my confidence, you misconstrue it as arrogance, I know who I am.... A strong, black-diamond in the rough, a female soldier, a Queen amongst her peers.. now who the hell are you?