Chronicles of a Soldier
Friday, March 30, 2007

My toaster radar has died!!!
A couple weeks ago, while getting my daily dose of caffine, one of my managers complimented me on my outfit, I said thank you and thought nothing of it then I got this random email from him asking me if I had use AOL messenger in the office because he would like to chat with me. I told him, I don’t use AOL but I use both Yahoo and MSN messenger. I thought it was rather random considering;

a) We are not allowed to use messenger at work
b) There is always outlook
c) We are in two different departments
d) His office is right in front of mine

He said he also uses yahoo and a few minutes later, his login pops up on my screen saying “hi there” I wasn’t sure how to respond so I typed “Cool’ Jesu Kristi! Egba mi o! I freaked and thought about all possible reasons why he would want to IM me? For why now? Never mind the fact that he looks like a white Will Smith, all buff and military and shit, this man is married! With like 5 kids!!! Is he hitting on me? Am I overreacting? ‘calm down’ I kept telling myself! I always read and hear about office situation with managers but it has never happened to me. Knowing my crazy ass, I would prolly call him out and get my ass fired! I called Remi and told her about it and she told me to wait it out and politely decline any indecent proposal! I had my own idea, I will avoid him COMPLETELY!!!

I started signing in my yahoo as invisible and dodging him at all cost, avoiding eye contact at meetings…basically I became weirder!

He never said much since then and we went about business as usual. Then today, I saw him all packed up and leaving his office at about noon, he came to say goodbye and told me that I’ve got great potential so I should keep it up!

Omobolanle!!!! Phew!! Ashe the man was planning on leaving the company ni and wanted to keep in touch! Here I am on another planet scared out of my mind that he was trying to holler! Buhahahaha My name is Bola and I am truly ashamed of myself!

It’s not my fault sha, E has convinced me that men always have ulterior motives with every woman they interact with and it’s never innocent and that at some point they have pictured being involved with them sexually, they don’t necessarily act on it but the thought has crossed their mind! Not sure how true that is but he definitely put the doubt in my head!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hey yall!!
I bloggville!!! I have been swamped with a whole bunch of crap last couple weeks but I saw this today and I just had to share..Omo, I dare somebody to wear this rii hurr!!! It kinda reminds me of this designer Custo, he may want to add this to his collection!!! I have ordered a bunch for christmas presents this year! Desola is getting one, Remi is getting one, Dupe is getting one, and I have LA, Yetti, Ade and Bode on back order! If you want one holla at QB!

What you see below are not see-thru skirts. They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as if the panties are visible and these are the current rage in Japan .. They'll be the rage here in the USA soon.

I just wish they would had more sexy underwear these all look like laundy day panties!!! They may also want to make some black butts as well...i am saying though!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Happy Birthday Bambo!
I cried last night like I haven’t in a hot minute and it wasn’t angry tears, I was deeply saddened by my conversation with sister. It’s not something I care to share which is really rare for me because sharing heals me but I need to wrap my head around it and hopefully when it becomes history then I can look back and laugh.
Life is so damn frustrating, one minute you are on cloud nine and no one can dampen your spirit and the next, it seem like the world is still and God has turned his face from you. I wont give up though, it’s not an option, instead I will take the lemon life has dealt and make the best damn lemonade ever.
For fear of sounding ungrateful, I thank God for everything; it has been my experience that every bad thing that has ever happened to me or my family has circuitously been a good thing so, I will see the bigger picture and take heed that God is trying to get our attention.
Life is so short and we take so much for granted, but I just want my sisters and brother and especially my mum to know that I really love them. Together we will get through this. Our past is history, our future is a mystery, and the present is full of possibilities!

On a lighter note, nothing major has been going on in Raleighood, same shit different toilet.
My hommies all came by my crib Friday night and we held a vigil, only we skipped the praying part and watched British comedy instead. I made dinner and we lounged till about 4am! Saturday morning we had breakfast at Bob Evans and later went to church to clean the building. I really wanted to go catch a movie but instead we just chilled at D1’s house and slept all day long! I got home at about 6pm and cleaned my room, it was an absolute mess! I caught up with all me recorded shows and braided Princess O’s hair.

Happy birthday Bambo! We were at bambizzy’s crib this weekend celebrating his birthday with him. His mom cooked and his dad makes the meanest BBQ on the planet! The food was well worth the 1 hour drive to get to their crib. I scooped D1 and LP and we headed out to their crib. By the time we got there, they had started a Monopoly game…..bummer because Lord knows I love me some monopoly! The other game that I love dearly is Taboo but mehn, you can’t play that game with Raleigh folks mehn! Rowdy Mofos… the lot of them…hehehehe

Bambo's birthday

Ok so we were chilling and we had the two hottest babies in Raleigh in the building Ridi and Jobs, they are about 3 months apart and both cute as a button! We sat them next to each other and took pictures. Aww too cute, I am thinking of stealing them and moving to a remote Island where we can’t be found.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

So summer is here, well maybe not fully and today is the first day of spring but the weather is nice and warm and it's time for us to put our best foot forward! Ok, I am guilty of corny toes and chapped heels! I am not the babe to sit in the nail salon for hours to get a pedicure. I am trying sha, in fact the last pedicure I got was in November and it was mandated by our attire for Remi’s wedding that your toes be on point!
It’s soooo bad my dawg D1 got me a gift card to a spa for my birthday…that shit is still in my wallet …unused!

Since then, I have applied the same nail polish over the chipped one and have not bothered with scrapping the dead skin off my heel. Corns have taken permanent residence on three of my toes but I blame that on the 4 inch heels I wear on a daily basis. See, I am that girl who will buy a pair of hot kicks even if it’s a size too small and will keep my shoe on while driving and while in public, in fact it’s a pet peeve of mine to see folks trade their beautiful kicks for some flip flops…maybe you shouldn’t have worn them suckers in the first place, I think its tacky (waiting for my peeps to come bite my head off).

So to me and all my sisters with jacked up feet, I beg do not leef your hoof hanging this summer, go to the salon and get your shit done, keep it polished and moisturized!

And if your shoes don’t fit….don‘t wear it!

So please, repeat after me

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I swear I am going to spray paint the whole of my complex with profanity, which should make me feel better about dishing out $350 for towing my damn car! So last night, Dupe invited Princess O and I for dinner, she made some pasta and I really did not feel like cooking so why not…..right? Well I ended up staying at her crib till 1 am. There was no parking at all by the time we got home, as in nada, zilch, zero and Princess O was knocked out, the only empty spot was a handicapped space right in front of my building. I figured the Mofo would see that there was no other available space and let me be.
How about my happy ass got up to go to work this morning to find that my hooptie had been towed! I was soooo pissed I marched to the rental office in my heels and had a couple words with them, when that didn’t help, I called the towing company. You smoke La La abi? what happend to hundy for towing? Well I get the standard hundy and $250 for parking in the handicapped spot...is that even legal? Mind you there are no handicapped folks in my building o! the spot is always empty...I think these MOFOS are out to get me! Oloshi ni gbogo Preiss company! The asswipes told me that I needed to pay $350 to get my car back…abi Oloshi ni yin ni? I freaking live here! Where is the law that says I am entitled to a parking space and I should not have to hike 4 blocks in the middle of the night to get one? Perhaps if their greedy asses were not so damn overpopulated, rent paying folks like me would have a spot to park! After screaming and yelling for about 10 minutes, I started to cry, you know the kind of crying that comes with being angry as hell. Arrrggghhhh I am too hot right now!
Okay so LP and DB picked me up and drove me to work, I will deal with the car mess later, it was already freaking 12 noon and my day had not started.
As if my day was not already banged, some idiot Mofo at work was asking me dumb questions about some invoice, do I look like the freaking Account Receivable Clerk? So what if my AMEX invoices had not been paid in 6 months? Did I buy baffs with it? I beg leef me o! eh hen!!!! Needless to say I am having a crappy day!
I am going home and cooking me some efo elegusi and eating amala for dinner! I certainly hope yall are having a much better day than I am!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Mehn….I am exhausted from this weekend boi! I mean damn! We had an absolute blast! Raras everywhere. Princess O was with Remi all day because she wasn’t feeling so hot and I had taken Thursday off to be with her. I took her to the mall then to cheesecake factory and ordered all sorts but she just wouldn’t eat, instead she spent hours in the toilet. Remi called me to yell at me because I was giving Princess O adult drugs…I figured they worked better…abi? It was also Funmi’s birthday dinner so we did Winston’s, the food was great and the company even better. I got there late as usual but just in time for the grubs. After dinner Dupe and I met up with some of our Oyinbo friends and then later with Funmi and her birthday crew at some joint, where we stood in line for like 30 minutes! Omo I can’t remember the last time I did that shit! I was more than pissed! For why now? After a few strings were pulled we hopped the line and finally made it in. It was aii…they played go go music and got me all worked up.

Funmi's birthday_1

I slept in most of Saturday, I had lots of errands to run before going to the Awani’s, it was such a nice day, I could not stay indoors. By the time I got home, I was tired as hell but I had to get ready for the naming ceremony. It was so much fun, we hung out till about 11pm. I have lots of pictures but notice how there is just a couple pictures of the celebrants? Well that was not my fault; my camera is still out of commission so D1 took all the pictures.

Alero's Naming Ceremony

On Sunday after church we had a singles meeting but I was so tired I skipped the meeting and chilled at Dupe’s house, I was craving Jamaican food so I ordered some curry chicken and had it delivered. After inhaling the curry chicken, I slept off. LP came by later to remind me we were supposed to have Dinner with the Olopade’s. We all hopped in the car and headed to their crib. We hung out with them till about 11pm and headed home, Oyinade spent the night. I am super exhausted…the pictures speaks for themselves.

Friday, March 09, 2007

High Fashion Ghana Must Go!
Oh hell to the no! As in are you freaking kidding me? Buhahahahaha. I swear this is just ridiculous! Let me see one of una carry ghana must go now that Gucci, Prada and LV are attaching their name...you will so not hear the end of it! Imagine that! Omo tell your folks back home to send you a container of Ghana must go so we can get first dibs on Canal Street! Buhahahahaha! You know it will take chinatown a hot minute to come up with the knockoff! This is too ill....Designer ghana must go! I heard Oprah put in an order for 8000 bags ....christmas gifts for her audience this year! buhahahah Wonders shall never end!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

....and it all ends!
Last night was the finale of Wicked Wicked Games and Watch Over Me! I am sooooo sad! Please tell me what I will do now from 8-10 PM! Just when I was getting into the show...it ends!
Blythe...Imma miss your crazy ass now lani gets to tourture you...aint karma just a damn bitch!LOL Jack....please help me understand how you made it out of the building alive!

So long farewell it was a great 16 weeks!

Monday, March 05, 2007

Happy Birthday Wande...30 is the new 20!!!
So on Friday, I rented a car and headed to MD, I mean why not, I could use a break from all this damn stress! I did not get in till 1 am…not bad, considering I left Raleigh at 8:30pm! That was so not my fault, I was expecting a packet and somehow UPS forgot to put it on the truck…were ni gbo gbo wan! After sitting there for 2 hours the MOFOs informed me that I would not be able to get the packet until Monday! If somebory had told me that like 2 hours ago…I would not have to curse everyone out in my egba dialect! Wotcanfa? Irritated beyond measure, I hopped in the car and drove furiously home. Princess O will be staying with Ashandy this weekend, I quickly packed her stuff and Ade was there to pick her up.

So I am steady driving on 95 minding my business and lo and behold VA popo pulled me over! I was on the phone with E and I told him I’d call him back! The dude told me the speed limit was 55 and I was doing 75 so that is reckless driving and it attracts $2500 and 6 points! I started laughing…na joke abi? $25 sekini?
“Ok officer, I wont lie, I may have been speeding a bit but I don’t have $2500, you see, I am on my way to MD, for a friends parry and rent is due when I get back on Monday plus I need to get a tune up and change my tires, I still have a stack of dirty clothes to take to the cleaners and I have only mayonnaise in my refrigerator, so that means I need to go grocery shopping, I owe my mum $1078 and my sister is celebrating her 35 birthday soon so I need to buy aso ebi, plus airfare for me and Omolayo! Then about 70 % of my friends are still single but 3 of them are engaged, which means I will be a bridesmaid, and you know how expensive that gets. Then there is Funmi’s birthday dinner next week! I’d like to get her a gift! So officer, chances are if you write me up for $2500, I won’t be able to pay it till I get my tax refund in 2008 and even then it’s iffy” I am not sure which part of my story touched him but he reduced the ticket to $135 and if I pay before my court date, I get no points! Phew!! Did I mention I hate the popo?

Saturday morning I met up with LA at Bob Evans for breakfast, she wasn’t feeling too hot but I kept her entertained! We hung out at the mall later and then we both took a nap until 6pm! Moji was furious! Dinner was at 7 and you know how long it takes LA and I to get ready! We finally got to Clyde's at about 8:30 and we had missed our reservation.

Everyone was looking fabulous and it was soo good to see all my MD peeps!
Bukky had this cork screw do that only Bukky could pull off…very chic! Nneka and that damn Indian hair of hers, I swear she could do an ad for Garnier Fructis! LA suits the hell out of Wande! All buff and tanned and in designer duds! Funmi as vibrant as ever with that infectious laugh! LA, trendsetter extraordinaire looking fly all day long! My ace MO is the glue that puts us all together….totally chic and an absolute joy to be around! And cutie pie Remi herself…still the cutest doctor I’ve ever seen! MD peeps have a way of making me feel fat! Every time I get back I go on a two day diet and then I forget all about it!

From Wande's Bday ...

All that bonding was nice, dinner was not so hot, when they served my rockfish, I was wondering where the rest of it was! I ate Mo’s dinner because she wasn’t that hungry! I ordered a glass of chardonnay and embarrassed the hell out of myself when I raised hell that the glass was half full!!! Funmi and Moji simultaneously educated me that wine is never served full…why the hell not? Rubbish and nonsense! Dessert made up for it though, my apple crumble was absolutely divine!
I was going to do the whole Jesus house thing on Sunday but Omo…I was tired and my feet were hurting so I just bumped the whole idea, I met up with LA at Queens way for lunch before heading out! I met a girl LA knew who introduced herself and said “I read your blog” I blushed a little…I ate my pounded yam till it became difficult to breathe…I am so damn greedy!

My drive home was cool, no tickets just freaking trailers ever 5 minutes…So I was explaining to my oyinbo friend that there were trailers all over the damn road and it scares the crap out of me and she was confused…apparently trailers are mobile homes….I am so Nigerian, its painful! She said “you mean trucks like 18 wheeler?”
Yes…. trucks, trailer warefa!!!

Stay tuned for pictures…I didn’t take any; my camera is on strike…MO will send them to me tonight…wont you MO?

Friday, March 02, 2007

Omo I soooo can't believe its March already! Da hell? Its Friday! Lord I thought this week would never end!!! How is your Friday? I have been working hard today boi...trying to catch up on my slacking all week!

Been feeling sort of poetic ever since LP challenged me to a spoken word duel...omo its soooo on! there is nothing I love more than a little competition!!!
I finished this peom Ive been working on for a hot minute now...tell me what yall think, I kinda rushed it so it may not be there yet.

Dear Lord

Dear Lord if I give all my love away can I have a refill?
Over and over so I never run out?
If I was a tree could I be the tallest one?
Would I withstand the hurricane? Will the tornado retain my leaves?
If I was a star could I be the brightest one?
If I was the sea would I be a friendly one? Would my tides be kind? And my waves make way for boats and ships? Will the creatures within me sustain life?
Will my love be more than just a fantasy?
And my dreams more like reality? manifesting in your perfect ways? With perfect grace?

Dear Lord if I lend someone my heart can I get a new one?
One thats even bigger than the first?
If I could be a time can I be the 6am? That was the time my love was born, the time my child was born the time I was born?
If I can be a day can I be Sunday, your day of rest, the day you rose again?
Will all my hopes be attainable?
Will you keep me safe from harm?
If I could have my way could it be your way... In truth and with gladness in my heart?
If I could sing a song would it be a new song? Would it be a song of joy and of hope? Would it heal sick and cure the lame?

Dear Lord if I put all my trust in you will it be enough?
Will you have my back when the going gets tough?
If I speak unkind words will you please forgive me?
If I make a mistake can you please erase them? Allow me a do over until I get it right?

And even then would you allow one more chance?
Will you teach me to be a better mum?
A better child?
A better person?
If I don’t say thank you would you still know I was grateful?
If I ever have doubt will you strengthen my faith? If it were smaller than a mustard seed would it suffice?

Dear Lord if I give all my love away can I have a refill?

A big shout out to one of my best friends from back in the day, Simmy Osude, we sort of grown apart in our adult years but I still love you! happy birthday Miha!!! February 28th
A big shout of to Seun AKA Iyawo Pastor AKA Mama Twins! Thanks again Miha...I am stoked about my gift card...muah!

Yall have a fabulous weekend and remember God loves you and so does QB!

The Odds are against me but pile up enough Odds and you are Even. The inevitability of my ability to consistently overcome overwhelms me. As do the magnificence of God's grace towards me and mine. I marvel at my proximity to my destiny. I am astounded that Can't, Won't and Later disrupt my journey to greatness. A conscious decision is mine to make and christen them Can, Will and Now! My reflection gazes back at me with another challenge at hand, procrastination hinders my reaching my destination. Don't tell me where I should go till you walk in my shoes. Yesterdays mistakes are for tomorrows amends, yet I ponder on them like the hand of time changes? Mediocrity has become a comfort zone and I have turned obstacles into road-blocks rather than stepping-stones, I find myself compromising my integrity as I try to maintain the status quo. How easy it is to condemn me and defame my character, when you really should commend me, and applaud my efforts. Intimidated by my confidence, you misconstrue it as arrogance, I know who I am.... A strong, black-diamond in the rough, a female soldier, a Queen amongst her peers.. now who the hell are you?