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Chronicles of a Soldier
Friday, January 26, 2007

Friday maddness!!!
OK .....so starting next week, I am going to try out one of these dares per day...I will keep you posted on how it goes. The uptight MOFOs I work with could use some Bola in their lives. I have highlighted my favorites. I dare you to join me! YES its official...I am CERTIFIABLY MAD!!!!
Funny enough I have actually done a couple of these thngs before...#2 and # 3 an I wasnt even playing.... so I'll skip those....buhahaha!

Office Dares:

ONE POINT DARE
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other
non-player must be in the toilet at the time).

3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,
"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
and grimace.

6) Someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,
"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it
out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors
open.

THREE POINTS DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barreled fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did
you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from
the nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would
be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they
watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10
times.

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to
go do a number two".

5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As
in,
"The report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".

8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God
is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".

9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna
trade?".


11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk
about it".

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's
won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.


14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during
a very important conference call.

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of
your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.


17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit;
smash each biscuit with your fist.

18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair
towards the door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,
move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you... How to keep a healthy level of
insanity:

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.


2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6) In the subject field for all your e-mails, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS".

7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8) Don't use any punctuation

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12) Sing along at the opera.

13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
jungle sounds all day.

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!
3rd time this week!!!"

18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"



The Odds are against me but pile up enough Odds and you are Even. The inevitability of my ability to consistently overcome overwhelms me. As do the magnificence of God's grace towards me and mine. I marvel at my proximity to my destiny. I am astounded that Can't, Won't and Later disrupt my journey to greatness. A conscious decision is mine to make and christen them Can, Will and Now! My reflection gazes back at me with another challenge at hand, procrastination hinders my reaching my destination. Don't tell me where I should go till you walk in my shoes. Yesterdays mistakes are for tomorrows amends, yet I ponder on them like the hand of time changes? Mediocrity has become a comfort zone and I have turned obstacles into road-blocks rather than stepping-stones, I find myself compromising my integrity as I try to maintain the status quo. How easy it is to condemn me and defame my character, when you really should commend me, and applaud my efforts. Intimidated by my confidence, you misconstrue it as arrogance, I know who I am.... A strong, black-diamond in the rough, a female soldier, a Queen amongst her peers.. now who the hell are you?

Afrigator