Chronicles of a Soldier
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
We went down to MD this weekend, Uncle Timi was celebrating his dad's 70th birthday. Dupe Funmi and Ade rolled with Omolayo and I. We all crashed at Mo's crib, she was out of town for the weekend but left me her keys. Lola and Bowale came to hang out with us Saturday night. My sister was in town as well so we hung out with her for a bit. On our way out of town Sunday we stopped at Queensway to get our grub on. It was an ok weekend, not one of my usual London trips but we managed.
Big Sis, her friend and I
Me, Funmi and Isla..... we couldnt figure out the gale thing so we went hausa on MOFOS.
Funmiatu looking zexy!
Dupe and her best pig!
Ok maybe I am getting kinda chunky....slim fast where art thou!
Funmi looking bunz! I did her hur
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
the past few days...
Ashandy made a mean obe alata and invited me for dinner Monday night, I was soooo full, I took a quick Nigaritis nap then we watched Oprah's legend ball. Thanks Shandy...please whats for dinner tonight?
Remi left yesterday morning....she is in Jand and will be in Naija in a week or so. The Banjizzy's came over Remi's house and we all spent the night there, we were up till 3am packing and carrying on. We tasked Ade with driving Remi to the Airport.
Last night Bayo and I went to the movies to see Davinci Code. I dont know why we decided to go on a weekday when both our asses had to work this morning. He picked me up and we headed out there. Dayo passed because he had seen it the night before and Denrele...well...she just passed.
We were 15 minutes late for the 10:15 show and the lady there allowed us in free.
My take on the movie...CRAPULENT!!! I was looking for some life changing experience, something to challenge my faith, something to keep me at the edge of my seat....I was dissapointed to say the least! It was long too! Damn we left at 12:45! If you havent seen it...save you student discount for something more worthy like Akeela and the BEE!!!
Aight gotta run, my girlfriend and I are taking an early lunch and going shoe shopping!!!
Monday, May 22, 2006
My London trip via MD
I went to London this past weekend, I stayed at Mo’s and she had the entire weekend planned. Moji got 2 dozen roses delivered Saturday morning! It was so cute, One yellow rose for friendship and 23 roses for love! WOW!!! Somebory loves you!!! I got my do did risikat style and loving it. We made a quick stop at Mo’s friend’s house that just had a baby then we hung out at LA’s house for the afternoon. Later on Saturday we went for Bunmi’s bridal shower, how about Moji and I got lost for over an hour!!! we drove all over Beltsville and at a point we started laughing hysterically at how dumb we were. Map quest is a beech for real. We got to the shower at around 8:30pm! Yes o it started at 3pm! All my fabulous divas were in the house and we had a hell of a good time. Moji made me Ila asepo so I was not hungry at the shower. I saw all my peeps from back in the day; we mingled till about 10pm and made our leave. Moji and I dropped Debola off and headed home. An old friend Fola was around from jand so Mo and I met up with him and his friends Femi and TJ at some bar in B’more. We hung out for a while before heading back to Moji’s place. Fola and his two friends came with and we gisted forever! Moji and I were laughing so hard it still hurts. Fola is just like I remembered except he is now married with two handsome boys…thanks to his wifey! HEHE!! His friends were equally hilarious and we reminisced about the old days. Moji and I went to bed at like 5:30 in the morning! Needless to say church was a no no. I woke up at around 2:30pm and I almost missed my ride back to NC. Moji surprised me with a dress shirt from her London trip! Love you girl! If I did not love Raleigh so much, I would be on the next U-haul to MD baby! We stopped in DC for a quick hello and scooped Dammy from Lola’s…congratulations baby girl…Lola graduated this weekend. Dammy packed up J-rice and Chicken and after I inhaled the food I was knocked out! I woke up in Raleigh….You would think my weekend would be over but noooo! I stayed up with Remi helping her pack her sturvs for her Naija trip and caking on the phone till 3am! I feel sorry with the MOFOS I have to work with in the AM….Imma be naaaaaaaaaagggggggging!!!
After getting here at 9:45am, I took a 3 hour lunch at noon to take Tuoyo, Dayo and Patrick to the airport! I am super bummed that I won’t be in Naija with them for the wedding! Omo that would have been too bunz! We gave our hugs and kisses and I headed back to work.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Hey don't say I aint never done nothing for yall! To all my fabulous Divas out there. Print out this coupon and use at Nine West between the 19th and the 21st of May and get 25% off regularly priced sturvs and 15% off sale items!!!
Nine West has this new pokadot line thats off the shizzle! Go cop one, tell them Queen B sent ya!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Running a bit late on the events this last weekend. Early Saturday, I was craving some pancakes so we all met down at Golden Coral for their breakfast buffet, then we went to the mall. My latest obsession is patent leather, so Ade and I swept the mall till I found the perfect pair.
Omolayo, remi and Funmi was at the salon getting their do did. ***Side Track** How about I found this spot where you can get a doobie wrap for $10! Omo is on and popping every week, make una no laff me when I join the iya eko tribe. ****On Track*** Later that evening, Funmi and I went to one of my oyinbo friends get-together and we were the only black folks! Which was fine until one dude cracked a joke about reenacting the Duke Lacrosse Scandal! Before I could speak, Funmi droppeds her Fone and yell NOOOOO O! WE ARE NOT LIKE THAT O! My friend apologized on his befalf and we rolled out. Bisoye graduated from UNC, we all went down there to cheer her on, and her graduation party was on Sunday. We stayed up all night cooking at Uncle Segun’s crib. I was practically useless on Sunday, tired out of my mind but it was Ashandy’s birthday (Happy Birthday Shade!!!!) and her husband invited us to have breakfast with her at one of my favorite joints before church. It was also mother’s day and I pat myself in the back for a job well done!! HEHE (ok humility is not my strong suit).
I could barely keep my eyes open for the sermon if not for some scary truth the pastor was spitting. “My name is Bola and I am a reform woman” now that the affirmation is out the way, please tell me why hateful MOFOS are steady trying to shake me, but did you miss the memo? I am a Soilder!! So I am jobless because I blog? LOL Absolutely Hilary, I think jobless is subscribing with passion to a blog written by someone you hate, religiously reading and catching up on what new with Queenb today…that boo is jobless!
I do have a life… a great life…...this is my life, I love it and secretly….so do you!
Back to my reformed state, 16 days till Tuoyo and Dayo’s wedding! I am upset that I won’t be there, but I will in spirit and I wish yall the very best! Check out their site here.
I will be in London this weekend….time to bond with my ACE Moji. Gotta run now, promised Princess O I would come to her school and have lunch with her.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Sexual Consent Form
To all Men Considering that Sexual Offences bill is likely to be passed by Parliament it is inevitable for men to start legally protecting thmselves. Here is an agreement you're supposed to carry when you have a date. Please make sure all the documentations are fully signed and are in safe repository before doing the actual execution.
CONSENT FORM TO BE SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE (MEN PROTECTION FORM)
This certifies that, I _______________________the undersigned female (hereafter referred to as the "screwee") about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _______________ (hereafter referred to as the "screwer"):
1. THAT I am above the lawful age of consent.
2.THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic substance/s.
3.THAT the aforementioned screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.
4.THAT I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever.
5.THAT I do not expect or wish to marry him
6.THAT I do not know if he is married or not, and I do not care.
7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk
8.THAT I am entering this relationship with him because I love it and want it as much as he does.
9. THAT in the event that I receive the full and 'delicious' satisfaction, which I expect, declare in advance the capacity and willingness for further participation as soon as time permits.
10.THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him in the event that:
10.1 I contract a sexual disease
10.2 I fall pregnant
10.3. I feel that he is violating any legislation-moral, legal or otherwise
SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED ON THIS _______ DAY OF (MONTH)____________
(YEAR) ___________ AT ___________________
Signature of screwee : ___________________
Date of birth : ___________________
Date of conduct : ___________________
Ten Ways to Marry the Wrong Person Keeper ladies and gents !
I thought I'd share some of my junk mail, except this is not junk, very useful information on common mistakes single folks make in the strive to be married especially within the Nigerian culture, there is all that pressure from friends family and the community to get hitched before you reach your expiration date. For women its 30 for men its a bit longer. But realistically you cant put an age to it.
With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights
1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for: a. Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? b. Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity? c. Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says? What s/he's going to do? d. Happiness : Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Then ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. -to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. Then the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife.
4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility, b) Share common interests, c) Share common life goals. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate . . . two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.
5.You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test drive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection to evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" A Mercedes impresses us. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask:"! Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
7. You pick the wrong person because you choose some one with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A sugges tion is made for your benefit.
8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
9.You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.
10.You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop anoth er relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage.
Many people are struggling because they have not used what God has given them. God gives you an acorn, you invest it and it will become a tree! Stop praying for trees while acorns are lying all over the ground. God answered your prayer for the tree when he sent you the acorn.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Free gas in my hood!!!
My gas tank was almost empty so I made a quick stop at the gas station this morning, I figured I’d fill my tank because I absolutely hate stopping for gas. I noticed that pump was fueling but the money gauge was not moving, then it moved a bit to 3 cents the 6 then gradually it moved until I the gas stopped pumping at 45 cents!!! Da hell? I got in my car and watched as the gauge indicated I had a full tank! Am I on some local punked or something? I was baffled, I was also extremely late and I watched in awe as the folks around me pumped their gas and drove off exclaiming that some miracle had happened. The attendant in the store could barely speak English and he watched culelessly as some amebo oyinbo woman tried to explain him what was going on.
Okay so I filled my gas with 50 cents, I should be happy but I feel like a bloody thief! I wonder how long its gona take for them MOFO’s to figure out there is something wrong with their gas pump!! Wait o! I hope we don’t get charged once they figure it out!
I am charging $10 for the address of this gas station...holla at me !
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Graduation-Bridal Shower of my favorite peeps...
How was your weekend? Mine was really good. Friday was kind slow, I chilled at home, did a little packing because I am moving…yes o! Again, it’s really sick! I hope there are no psychological implications in my actions….hmmm.
Anywho my hommies graduated!!! Dupe, Dayo and Remi, from the same school so that made it hell of easy. I am so proud of yall, you inspire me to want to do this school thing I swear besides, I would look hell cute in that black robe!
Remi and Dupe threw a barbeque afterwards and the Raleigh family, dysfunctional as we may be, all got together at the Banjizzy’s. The food was great, the company was even better….I had a good time. Later in the evening we planned on going out, I chickened out because I did not bring any baffs and I was tired as hell and I had not packed for my Monday morning move.
On Sunday, I went to church and received my weekly dose of the word…keeps me grounded and all. Remi Funmi Ade and I went shopping for Dayo’s bridal shower later that afternoon. The shower was a great success even though I was not on the planning committee #%&? Go figure!! The most organized, intimate one I have been to date. I would have loved to have some goat meat on the menu but that is just the Omo Egba in me speaking. Dayo had fun and you could tell everyone was genuinely excited for her. Me and my babies Lolade and Dammie won 5 out of the 8 games played! YeeeeeHHHHHAAAA okay we sorta cheated! LOL. There was this part where they asked Dayo weird questions about Tuoyo and it freaked me out how she answered all 20 questions right! I mean shit like “How many times does Tuoyo fart a night?” and “When was Tuoyo’s grandmother’s first kiss?” I mean…da hell? Who knows these things? Ok maybe those weren’t the actual questions but they were close dammit! It was fun sha, and I am really really happy for them.
So I got home at about 7pm and my babies all came to help me pack. Oyinade, Dammy and Lolade, even pregnant Victoria. Remi and Dewunmi came in the morning. I hired movers and it took them 4 hours to get all my shit out! Good Gawd!! I feel another yard sale coming!!!
Friday, May 05, 2006
It's Friday evening and I aint gat shit to say!
Well to you and yours...have a fabulous weekend, I bet it wont be as fab as mine! HEHEHEHE
All the way from North kakilaki....Peace Love and safe sex!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
No more Afefeyeye
Obas don kolo finish! My friend was tellng me about how Naija President is passing a new law to ban spraying of money at parties!
A few questuons come to mind;
1...Why? What is the point of this new law?
2....How the hell does he plan on enforcing it?
3...Arent there bigger issues for our President to concern his bald head with?
4...How in the hell will IYA KAFILA recoup the 1 million naira she just Splurged on Owambe?
Being as though this man is from my village I wont abuse him much, but I swear it seems as if he has become very random in recent times.
My sister was just telling me about her friends wedding the past weekend and the couple made $13k in spay money! A bit excessive but I doubt that that has any impact on the economy. Sebi na my people? They will improvise sha ni! But on the real, this is our culture, its been like that since before Obas could even crawl...so why now?
At my girl's introduction this man was spraying $100 bills! I was trying so hard to cop me a few but he didnt ja me face. In fact, two reasons I attend owambe parrys are the food and the potential week worth of gas money I wll be sprayed! There goes my livelhood.
My girlfriend is getting married in Naija next month and I suggested passing out envelopes to the guest as they are seated for the collection of the spray dancing money! My GAWD what will Obesere and Kwam 1 do now!
I love Nigeria my country but.....DAMN!!!!
The Banjizzy’s were at my crib yesterday and kept me company as Dayo tortured me! I absolutely hate doing hair, as in I will take Omolayo to a shop before I do her hair myself, but somehow Dayo always manages to get me to do her hair! I think she has jazz of spoken word. I never hesitate, I just say ok then I wonder after the fact how the hell she got me to do it!
So I was checking my email at about 1AM, mind you my ass has to work in the morning o! But out of habit I get online and my sister sent me this email with the link below, on a good day, I would delete it but I didn’t cause Sis is not much for junk mail.
Okay my people; I am not one to rag on my country because I am proud to be a Nigerian but Good Gawd!!! If you have time please listen to this Guy as he shares his experience visiting Naija. I guess from the eyes of a foreigner this seems really bad. Most of us grew up in the suburbs and never really experience the horror he describes but while it was funny as hell…… it was also very sad!
It Audio and he adds pictures for you to get a visual so listen to part one and two and he points out the pictures as they apply.
All I can say after listening is DAMN!!!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Sending April off with a bang!
Ok maybe I am having a little too much fun…well just a tad.
I was supposed to go to church Friday night but I was so tired, I crashed at about 9pm. My babies are all preparing for their exams so I really did not have company to go to the movies. You know how you have a certain group of people you like to go to the movies with? You folks that you always agree on what to see and when to see it? Yeah well my movie folks are Dammy, Lolade, Oyinade and Dayo, occasionally, I will go with Remi and Ade but on most days, they rather sleep! Drowsy heifers!! It used to be Seyi but he never want to see chick flicks so I dumped him as a cinema buddy. So Friday night…no movies, no church, just uninterrupted sleep!
Saturday morning, I got up early to help Dayo move, I didn’t actually move shit but I am good at organizing and giving orders. It took about a hour, then we all had luch at my new crazed joint golden coral. I ran errands the rest of the day in preparation for Seun’s baby shower. I had to buy a relaxer and give myself a perm because no shop was taking walk in on a Saturday afternoon. I decided to color my hair burnt orange, something different right? WRONG!!! After about 30 minutes of sitting with semi-permanent die in my hair, I rinsed it to find it was still the same dark brown I started with! Waramess!
We decided to go out Saturday night. Dupe and Tomi were working the Marlboro job at Stool Pigeons but they joined Remi, Denrele and I after the clocked out. Dude was in town so he picked up the tab. How about my nonsense ass wore fake eyelashes! Looking like Marilyn Monroe on crack! It was fun though; I think I will try them again!
We left the bar at about 2:30 am and Lord knows we all have to get up early and cook in the AM. Didn’t get much sleep HEHEHEHE but I was up bright and early to fry my goat meat and still make it to church…two hours late but hey!
The shower was a nice turn out. A big shout out to Seun and the boys…yeah she is having twins. To all the ladies I harassed and manipulated into cooking and buying sturvs ….thanks!! The food was fab and plentiful; somehow I attribute that to not having men there. Other than Seun, there were 3 other pregnant women present! Yall beeches stay the hell away from me because it going around like a virus! After the shower we all hung around and argued about who was going to heaven and what it would take to get there, Muslim versus Christian and whatever other controversies we could think of. I cleaned up for another half hour before finally calling it a wrap.
The Odds are against me but pile up enough Odds and you are Even. The inevitability of my ability to consistently overcome overwhelms me. As do the magnificence of God's grace towards me and mine. I marvel at my proximity to my destiny. I am astounded that Can't, Won't and Later disrupt my journey to greatness. A conscious decision is mine to make and christen them Can, Will and Now! My reflection gazes back at me with another challenge at hand, procrastination hinders my reaching my destination. Don't tell me where I should go till you walk in my shoes. Yesterdays mistakes are for tomorrows amends, yet I ponder on them like the hand of time changes? Mediocrity has become a comfort zone and I have turned obstacles into road-blocks rather than stepping-stones, I find myself compromising my integrity as I try to maintain the status quo. How easy it is to condemn me and defame my character, when you really should commend me, and applaud my efforts. Intimidated by my confidence, you misconstrue it as arrogance, I know who I am.... A strong, black-diamond in the rough, a female soldier, a Queen amongst her peers.. now who the hell are you?