Chronicles of a Soldier
Friday, April 28, 2006
I am feeling particularly favored today! I mean its been a rough week. I am being audited at work to ensure all my files are SOX complaint. Well guess what? they are not! I simply do not have enough time to make the files pretty and badger some candidate for document they have probably used for toilet paper. I try to stay on top of things but I would need a 28 hour day to bring me up to speed. I started the week off frustrated but Thank God its over! And Thank God its Friday!!! My score was not as high as it should be but not as low as I anticipated either. So tonight, I say its movie night! I will hang out with my peeps and catch a movie or two. Have a fabulous weekend!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
This is such an old one, but had me ROTF last night.
2 Nigerians met at a bus stop and started chatting. The 1st kept complaining about his family problems incessantly. Finally, the 2nd Nigerian could nottake it any more."u tink u have problem? Listen to my situation oh!
A few years ago I met ayoung widow with a grown up daughter and we got married. A year later my father married my stepdaughter which made her my stepmother and my fatherbecame my stepson. My wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law!Then my wife's daughter, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife'sdaughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather ofmy half brother!!
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my stepmother is also his grandmother. This makes my father thebrother-in-law of his grandson, whose stepsister is his wife!!!I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own son's aunt, this same child is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather!!!!You still think you have family problems?"
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Fresh off the boat!
So I was talking to my Dawg the other day, I wont say his name for fear that he will kill me but we were reminiscing about when we first got to Yankee and our initial reaction to the lifestyle of what appeared to be the RICH, FAMOUS AND EXTREMELY LUCKY folks that reside here.
So my Dawg who happens to be a man told me that he took pictures while he was out shopping and sent them back home to show that he was now a baler, well that sounds pretty cool right? Na…how about he was holding a Payless and Wal-Mart bag, smiling like he had just hit a jackpot! Posing such that the bags were visible in each picture! Then he wrote on the back of each picture, ‘Just me doing a little shopping in Yankee!’ LMAO!!! He was like “Bola, I must have looked really stupid” Yeah boo…just a tad! Now my man walks around in his Kenneth Cole gear speaking Fone!! Buhahahaha
After sharing such an embarrassing story with me it is only right that I share mine.
I was about 6 when my family moved back to the States; my mum took us out to Old Country Buffet in MD fresh of the plane. I was overwhelmed with the thought that I could actually eat any and everything I could see…it blew my young mind, After about 3 rounds and I was fully to the point of stupor, I told my mum in Yoruba “Ah mummy mo ti de ibi ti ma ku si” meaning I have arrived at my place of death. My family has never let me live it down and they talk about it at every gathering.
So….do share what is your razzest moment in Yankee or Jand?
Monday, April 24, 2006
To Dele with love.....
What a fabulous weekend I had! I drove down to MD with Dayo and Shade, there was a second car with Dayo’s friends. We did not leave Raleigh till 10pm. I had dinner earlier with Dayo girl’s family, well…. me and 50 other people. It was nice; I hope after 25 years of marriage I am still as happy as they looked. I sent Omolayo off with Remi and we were on our way. We did not get to MD till 2am. I hung out with Ekpen and his beautiful son….my step son (HEHEHE). On Saturday I had Ekpen drop me off at the mall; I needed to buy black shoes! In my rush to get out of town I left my black shoes in my car. After roaming the mall I met up with Dayo and Shade. I was stuck going to the wedding because none of my hommies were in town and I really had no where to go. My Dawg Dele Aluko from wayyyy back was in town so I planned to hook up with him at the wedding. I ran into everybody and their ancestors at the wedding, I mean DAMN! MD is sick man! You can’t walk 2 blocks without running into someone you know. So I saw Dele after like 10 years, he still looked the same! Sweet as ever and always a gentleman. I met his friends who seemed like the same breed. We had an absolute blast. We went to a party in DC called it a night at about 2am. I spent the night with Dele at his friends and we caught up on the good old times. Moji was back Sunday morning and we met up with her to have an early lunch. I was sad to say goodbye. Moji, Dayo, Shade and I all met up at Queens Way some popular Naija restaurant and we hung out for a bit before heading back to NC…It was a fabulous weekend!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I was wondering why Remi was super excited yesterday, she was driving yesterday and hit this dude on a bike! Yepa!! But thank God dude was alright, she did not hit him per say just the tail of his bike. But you sabi yankee now 'get rich quick or die trying' so dude told Remi he was aii, but she needed to fix his bike. Remi would have been happy to buy him a new bike sef! You know how the story will change when he realizes the dough he could have made. She is took dude to the ATM and gave him $60 and called it a day! After now she will say me I drive too slow and I got my license from K-mart, atleast I aint never hit nobody! And I did not almost get a DUI even though I was sober! LMAO!!!
Ade and I were chilling, I convince her that we should ditch bible study (God forgive me) but I was not feeling up to it yesterday and I was hungry as hell! So I cooked and we all just sat around and watched T.V. My dawg Dele is visiting from jand. I shall be in MD this weekend for shizzle. I need to see Moji anyway, we havent bonded in a minute. One day till TGIF....Yippeeee incase I don't blog tomorrow yall have a fabulous weekend!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
He didnt loose your number...he's just not that into you
I am tired as hell, I have not really recouped from the chaos this weekend and to make matters worse, I spent the night at Remi’s which means no sleep till at least 2am! I was up jisting with Remi and she ignored me because she couldn’t get her code to work or some shit. Then an old flame called and I spent the rest of the evening caking. He really schooled me on my illusions and naivety and painted a clear picture that made even more sense and brought me closure.
Are women really that stupid or it’s just me? Seriously, we master the art of faking an orgasm but a man can fake a whole relationship! WOW!!!! We create this fantasy and we convince ourselves that it’s the truth. I have seen it happened time and time again and I even criticize the women involved until that woman became me! I guess we all learn and I am so glad I learned….finally, even though it took a scandal to get me there!
Now I have my friends mock me and laugh at me as we replay the senseless ordeal scene by scene and I can’t help but laugh at myself too. I pride myself in being true and candid with myself and with those around me but sometimes if you lie to yourself enough, you start to believe it. There is no telling anyone jack shit in these situation, you just wait and pray that they snap out of it fast!
So Charlie spent about 3 hours spitting some hard truth that ruffled my feathers a bit but was very much needed. The kind of truth I have very few people that dare to speak to me, and I can’t help but respect him more for that.
So ladies lets not confuse sex with love and please pick up a copy of this book and regain your dignity because like my shirt says HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Who the hell wants to rob me?
Did alot of shopping last week for Omolayo, I always shop for her but a little more so last week because of her birthday, I wanted her to have the right outfit for the Big day, a formal wear for church and then something chic for Adventure landing...anywho, she ended up wearing the outfit Aunty Remi bought for her, then I spent buku money on OPC (other people's children) but I digress. So I am chilling minding my business and I decide to get lunch only to find my card declined...the hell? I am broke but damn that was just a $10 meal! Thank God it was 'to go' and I did not sit there and inhale the damn thing, then I'd have to wash dishes with my good nail polish on!...... embarrased out of my mind, I jejely took my leave and ran to the bank!
After explaining my dilema to the daftest teller born, she informed me that my $900 purchase at Sony E Solutions this afternoon wiped out my account...Say kini? Who? excuse me? hello? I have been sitting at my desk working like a runaway slave since 10am! I asked for a print out and the chick handed it to me. True true the records indicated a $900 purchase was made about an hour earlier! Egba mi, call the popo and alert the fucking media!!! The chic went on to say that I should think carefully and try to remember my transactions for the day! ahem! BEECH, I think I would vividly remember dropping $900 on a single purchase especially if it was an hour ago! I start to sweat, mostly because I was famished and I really did not have time for this crap.
After a truckload of paper work to dispute the transaction, I was given $20 pending my investigation (5 business days). My card has been cancelled and I have been robbed! I always laugh when I hear such stories and I never imagined it would be me! I am such a careless MOFO when it comes to finances and I never check my account but guess what? I will going forward...believe that!
If I catch the ASSWIPE that bought Sony VIAO at my expense, I will be forced to pull out my egba potion and sprinkle were dust all over the MOFO!
Monday, April 17, 2006
My Old Blog
I really love my old blog Memoirs, it was home, I hope I love this one just as much!!
Welcome to the Chronicles of a Soldier!
The Odds are against me but pile up enough Odds and you are Even. The inevitability of my ability to consistently overcome overwhelms me. As do the magnificence of God's grace towards me and mine. I marvel at my proximity to my destiny. I am astounded that Can't, Won't and Later disrupt my journey to greatness. A conscious decision is mine to make and christen them Can, Will and Now! My reflection gazes back at me with another challenge at hand, procrastination hinders my reaching my destination. Don't tell me where I should go till you walk in my shoes. Yesterdays mistakes are for tomorrows amends, yet I ponder on them like the hand of time changes? Mediocrity has become a comfort zone and I have turned obstacles into road-blocks rather than stepping-stones, I find myself compromising my integrity as I try to maintain the status quo. How easy it is to condemn me and defame my character, when you really should commend me, and applaud my efforts. Intimidated by my confidence, you misconstrue it as arrogance, I know who I am.... A strong, black-diamond in the rough, a female soldier, a Queen amongst her peers.. now who the hell are you?