Chronicles of a Soldier
Wednesday, December 20, 2006

LP's Graduation
So this past weekend my baby girl AKA first born graduated from college! Yes o my little Lolade with a Bachelors of Science! I am so proud of you mami!!! I stayed up all night Friday cooking, I had spent the better of the day shopping (grocery ni o..I am banned from the malls) so anyway, Dupe, Oyinade, Dami and Bode came by to help Denrele and I. It was crazy, I was so damn tired and the fear that I would finally burn down my apartment did not allow me rest at all! Ok I live on the second floor, and I turned my balcony into Alase central! Omo electric bills are off the chain and I was not willing to dish another hundy just because I can’t help myself! That and the fact that all my baffs will be smelling like j-rice…na! I put the fire extinguisher on standby and cooked away!

Saturday morning I was up bright and early….no way in hell I would miss the ceremony. It turned into a church service because Shirley Caesar was in the building. Dami picked Denrele and I up and by the time we got there, they were filled to capacity! Da hell, I ran past the police officer and blended with the crowd before he could catch me. I later came out and told another officer my family was outside and I reserved seats for them. LP’s parents were in town; I sat beside her popsy and talked the man to death, her mum was telling me about all the goodies she brought for me Combatrin was #1 on the list! Awww!!! Smoochies. After the graduation, we headed to Uncle Segun’s house for pots to cook the j-rice in. Remi’s mum gave me a ride back home because Dami’s car was packed! Uncle Segun gave me bread; he always does….this naija type bread that will go well with the beans I cooked last night! Good gawd it’s on!

LP's Graduation

Back at the crib I was delegating and of course all those Mofo ignored me. My third Born Oyinade and I got in a fight; she caught herself yelling at me! Omo I was beyond pissed. We fight all the time like we are really mother and daughter and then we make up in the cheesiest way....ewww! Anyway she apologized diplomatically just like I taught her. “Aunty Bola, I am sorry for the way I yelled at you, I am not sorry for what I said just how I said it!” I am so proud! How can I be mad at that? My favorite one is “I am sorry you feel that way” or “I am sorry you found what I said offensive” hehehe …Cunning….. I know! As I was saying, the party started on time, food was ready and folks were rolling in, we played pool, listened to music and ate till about midnight. I had an absolute blast! My babies wanted to go out for an after party but omo....I was done! We cleaned up the club house and I called it an evening…..My name is Bola and I will not be going to church on Sunday….I feel a sleepathon coming on!

On Sunday LP came by to scoop me and we went to hang out with her Folks, we later went to the movies with LP’s cousins and Dayo came to join us. We saw Blood Diamond….it was aii, ok it was great but I really wanted to see Pursuit of happiness. After the movies they dropped me off at home and hung out at my crib till about 1pm. I didn’t mind especially since I had the day off on Monday.

I finally saw Pursuit of happiness with Ade and Princess O on Monday ….it was so sad….so real, I just wanted to go home and thank God for everything I have. I asked Princess O if she learned anything from the movie and she said “yeah…..you have to be on time to get to the shelter so you can get a bed!” The things we take for granted.

Congratulations LP......here is to the beginning of many more great things to come!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Christmas Gift for all!
My dear blogsphere friends,

Its somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I was going to give you all stolen forks from various restaurants I've been to this year like I did last year but we used most of them for Remi's wedding and LP's graduation so I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the
instructions below:

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need fourmaxipads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top. Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part. Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), beer bottle tops or shaving sticks for men,etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: Regular, Light and Get out the Sand Bags.
* Unique

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you
can see the nifty slippers for yourself.... Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you so holla at your girl!!!!

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Merry Christmas and remember...God love you and so does Queen B

Friday, December 15, 2006

06 Evaluation
1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Colored my hair

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more
for next year? Nope, Nope

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Quite a few

4. Did anyone close to you die? My uncle but we weren’t close

5. What countries did you visit? None

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A house

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? February 10th

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I cleaned out my social closet

9. What was your biggest failure? None…ok maybe the meatpizzies I attempted to make

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? None…to God be the glory

11. What was the best thing you bought? My brown laundry Shoes !

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My big sis…she was so much more coooooollllller this year than last!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mine

14. Where did most of your money go? Grocery Shopping

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Remi’s wedding

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? MJB ‘no one but you’

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? same
iii. richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Pay my tithes

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Shop

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Not sure yet

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Yes…and hard!

23. How many one-night stands? One night werrin?

24. What was your favorite TV program? Fashion house/Ugly Betty/Hero/Grey’s Anatomy/CSI Miami/Top Model/6 degrees/ Studio 60

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last
year? No

26. What was the best book you read? A purpose driven life

27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery? Lauryn Hill

28. What did you want and get? My man, My treo

29. What did you want and not get? My Juicy bag

30. What was your favorite film of this year? None..they all sucked!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was thrown a surprise get-to-gether……28!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more
satisfying? Everything I wanted and didn’t get

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Hey! I held it down

34. What kept you sane? My vision

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I have a major crush on AKON

36. What political issue stirred you the most? None!

37. Who did you miss? God

38. Who was the best new person you met? No one important

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Life has no guarantees

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year…I’m Every Woman!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Okay so I was feeling like Chef Boladee yesterday, I was craving meat pie and somehow I felt I could do a much better job that the woman that makes them here for a buck a piece. I am the biggest food critic ever….I have a handful of folks that their cooking impresses me. Anyway so I called Yetunde…another chef like me and I asked her for the meat pie recipe…well, Yetunde referred me to her friend Mo and you could tell the babe knew what she was saying, she walked me through the recipe and I was feeling too bunz!

After work I headed to the grocery store…$36 later, I had all the things I would need for the best meatpizzie ever!
I so ditched bible study for my little mission impossicant!
I followed the instructions as best as I could remember, I asked Mo to email me the recipe but I forgot to check my email….Oh well. How hard could it be right? I mean I make the meanest Efo, moi moi and obe buka in the game so Meatpizzie should be a breeze! Omolayo and Denrele left for Bible study which was great so I wouldn’t get distracted. I kneaded and rolled and stirred for the next 45 minutes. For some weird reason, my dough would not behave! I got really frustrated and shoved it all in the oven!

OMO can you say disaster! I sat on my kitchen floor laughing at myself for a good 15 minutes, then I called Mo to placed an order for Meatpizzie for Lolade’s party….this little experiment was my test run, I was going to bake all the Meatpizzes for Lolade’s graduation but after this crap…Omo I will pay the woman double for the meatpie!

The worst part of it all was when Princess O and Ade got home from bible study; I had forced myself to eat one of the pies and was using water to shove each bite down!
O and Ade started laughing and my baby told me that was the worst meatpie she had ever had! They hurt my feelings. I even invited Dupe and Dewunmi to come eat some of my meatpie and they declined…da hell? Even Sammy, the Grubido of Raleigh, took one bite and passed on my meatpizzie!

Someone should have told me 'I can bake all things through Christ who strengthens me' is not a prayer!

I am going to try again….maybe next year but for now, I will gladly let the meatpie lady handle her business!

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

My fat arse!!!!
Ok so maybe I have gained a little weight! I can’t help it…I am always hungry! As in ….all the damn time. I think I have worms. So I told Kunsh about all the things I need from Naija….Combatrin, Kajal etc..and he laughs like I am being ridiculous….
“What is Kajal?” he asks me. I explained that its eye pencil sort of like tiro, he laughs even more “Come on babe, they’ve got better eye pencils over there” I can’t explain it; those that use Kajal know what I am saying right? The one I had was stolen; NEWSFLASH!!!! Thief of my Kajal…I have used the same one since SSII and you are probably one application from an eye infection…so good luck! But I digress, eh hen …..So I go on to tell him why I needed Combatrin, I am always hungry, I eat all the time, the good thing is that I don’t eat junk food or fast food, I eat Food Food. When I am hungry, rather than eat a snack, I will hold it till I can make a meal and 2 hours after that meal I am hungry again!

So on Sunday, Bayo tells me that I have gained more weight since the last time he saw me……Bayo is like my scale…he just looks at me and tells me if I am gaining weight! The boy is honest like that so I believe him. I don’t understand…I used to be such a skinny heifer growing up and I have always been a grubido…so why now? I aint that old, so it can’t be that my metabolism is stalling or is it? Oh lord…Imma have to go on a diet, well after I try the Combatrin. I am still a size 8 and I refuse to shop outside the juniors department dammit!!! Ok…I am going on a diet….I know I say that crap all the time but mehn….I am starting to feel heavy!!! I beg if you have a diet regime that worked for you…holla at me!

I spoke with LP last night and her mumsy is in town…guess what? She brought me Combatrin!!! I remember her asking me if there was anything I wanted her to bring from naija and I just kept saying Combatrin….I am sure she thought I was crazy!!!

Ok so my baby girl LP aka first born is graduating on Saturday! WOW!!! I am so proud of you snookums!! We are having a party at my club house and you are all invited!!!
I will be throwing down in the kitchen, Obe buka and tins….so plenty to eat plenty to drink!

PS..I will also be making meat pie...if I fcuk it up, its Yetti's fault!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Happy Birthday Bukky!!!

At the harbor in 04/05...when was this sef?

Still at the harbor.... we had so much fun...didnt we?

This was late 05...we where shopping like we won the lottery!!!!

Smoochies Buki!!! At my house in 06 Posted by Picasa

Many faces of Bukky
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About to go somewhere...I cant even remember

New year 03

At Wande's party 05 Posted by Picasa

I know this was at Moji's crib in 04......LA looked bored!!!

I will never forget halloween 04.....in B'more!!!!

Erhhmmmm...I dont where know jo...Moji made us go! Posted by Picasa

Happy Birthday to my girl Bukky Orukotan, I have been sitting here trying to gather all the cool pictures I know we’ve taken but Moji must have them because I was only able to gather a few. Bukky is one of my dearest friends… a really deep person that has all these mind-blowing POV on just about any subject. Bukky has a way of calming my nerves in a What-would-Jesus-do kinda way. I love you sis and even though we don’t see and talk as often as we used to…I hope you know you mean a lot to me. Today and always may God bless you in abundance and bring to pass all of your heart desires according to his will. See at Christmas…yes I am coming…and what?

Ho Ho Ho
Christmas is coming and folks all around are catching the Ho Ho Ho virus and I refuse to let it affect me. Ok so I am not big on Christmas, I don’t do the whole tree and gift mess. My big sis has invited Omolayo to come spend Christmas with her family….I couldn’t be happier…Princess O, pack your bags and away you go! I will be working this Christmas as well, not on the day of but around it, although Florida sounds really tempting…Bukky I am inviting myself! My beginning of the year plan was to spend Christmas 06 in Naija….since that plan has gone to flames, I will most likely be in Florida or at home.

So I was thinking about what I usually do around Christmas time. Last year I was in MD on the 12th of December, Wande was moving to LA, we were at her crib acting a complete fool…it was mad fun….its so weird cause I had the same hairstyle….hmmm
I remember Lola coming in from Jand to spend Christmas with me. I had a party at my house and realized I did not know anyone there…so I left for another party…that was weird. I remember all my folks were out of the country, Jand or Naija and my family was meeting in Michigan but I lived up to my black sheep status and decided not to go…I get like that around Christmas….I get upset that another year has ended and I have not kept any of my resolutions and make a list of new ones I am sure to break.
December 05

This year is a little different though…I have so much to be grateful for and I am not in the holiday funk……. I dare say that I am Happy! Definitely there are things I wish I did differently but overall….it was a good year! I have a bunch of Q&A to assess the year but that will be tomorrow’s blog.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Regarding my previous post....
WOW!!!! To be honest when I wrote Akoba Central, it was ment for Chatafrikarticles.com but I decided to share it with bloggville too. I really did not think anyone would take me seriously, everyone that knows me knows my mind is a scary place and that I have a warped sense of humor but this was not even one of my comedic pieces. I probably should have told everyone that it was purely fiction…for that I apologize. I realize my little stunt made folks worry and God forbid there comes a time that I really need help, I hope you will all come through as usual. Seriously…e ma binu…MY BAAAD!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Akoba Central!
So yesterday on my way back from work, I stopped by my daughter’s school picked her up and headed home, I decided to stop at the gas station for some flu medicine and Tylenol, my baby was running a fever from her teething. As I pulled up to the gas station a car was pulling out, the blind idiot decided to take out half of my bumper with him, his girlfriend came out smiling and offering apologies, we were in the middle of the street so I pulled in the side street away from flow of traffic and with plenty witnesses. I was hoping to milk the situation, granted my ass does not have insurance, but he hit me dammit! As I parked my car off the street I saw a lot of rugged faces, young kids but you could tell they were hood rats, wearing baggy clothes and baseball hats! Typical! I locked all my doors and instructed my daughter to sit tight; I grabbed my purse and walked to the rear of my car so we could exchange information. The guy offered to fix my car because he works at an auto shop… (I have heard that crap before!) I told him to write down admission of fault and a promise to pay on a piece of paper and we’ll be all done.

As he scribbled I saw a fleet of black SUV pull up and sirens blazing…Oh hell! who called the POPO? I figured someone must have seen the accident and notified the authorities. I swear I hate Yankee!!

About 8 cops came running towards us guns drawn and waiting for someone to do something stupid, I saw the hood rats running like this was a bust or something I got kinda scared cause I have watched enough movies to know that innocent victims get shot in crossfire. I picked up my bag and was about to get in my car for cover when this huge black cop pointed his gun in my direction and asked me to put my hands up! LOL…Are you joking? Am I being punked...Stop it O! I looked at him confused. Other cops had caught some of the kids that fled and had them all spread out on the concrete street. The black cop grabbed my arm and forced me to the ground; I busted my lip and bruised my knees in the process. Somebory is getting sued! It won’t be funny!

I laid on the ground in my newest BEBE shirt Oh hell to tha NO! I was cuffed and picked up off the ground. My daughter was screaming hysterically at this point, another officer was attending to her and they got my car keys from my purse to let her out. I asked them where they were taking her and they screamed at me to be quiet! Egba mi…I am sooooo not amused! What the hell is going on! Is this what happens when you get in an accident? Whatever happened to good old citation and have a nice day maam!

I watched as they emptied the content of my purse and I saw about a dozen tiny ziplock bags of powder and what looked like white rocks roll out! I had my mouth wide open…da hell? Then there was this regular sized ziplock bag with what appeared to be thyme.... filled to the brim! I could not close my mouth. The implication of what was happening hit me and I started to cry!

I swear I don’t do drugs…never have …well excluding this one time 4 years ago when my ex gave me two puffs of his joint because I was curious! It was one of those things that you needed to try and get out of your system, I still remember the horror I went through afterwards; the paranoia, the continuous laughter, I laughed so hard I started crying..it was horrible! I was rushed to the ER because I was certain my heart would stop beating! I vowed then never to do it again and I haven’t.

The black cop read me my rights! You are under arrest for possession with the intent to distribute! Say wetin? You must not know my peeps…we don’t do drugs, I am the only one that even smokes cigarettes and I am constantly chastised for that! The absurdity of the allegations was overwhelming, I just kept crying!

They put me, the guy that hit me, his girlfriend and three other hoodrats in a van and drove us down to the station. On our way the couple that hit me could not stop arguing, yelling and screaming at each other. I was in another world, this is a dream right? Any minute now I would wake up! Right? What will I tell my mum? I can’t go to jail! I am a girl, other than traffic violations I have never broken a law in my life! OMG!! This is not happening! We were taken to some room and asked a bunch of questions; Name, age, DOB, address, work location…blah, blah, blah and then they took my finger prints, took all my clothes and gave me a jumpsuit! No it wasn’t orange, it was green. I was so weak from crying I just went along. They took pictures of my side view and front view and led me to some room that had a huge desk and one chair. I sat there playing the entire scene in my head. What did I do, where did those drugs come from? Dude that hit me must have dumped them in my bag when he saw the POPO. Am I going to jail? Where is my daughter?

The detectives came in one after the other and asked me what happened for what seemed like the 100th time I told them, I told them again that the drugs was not mine and they laughed. One of the cops said he would be a Millionaire by now if he got a dollar every time someone said that. I decided to stop talking; they reminded me again that I had the right to an attorney, where will I start? I got my one phone call and my dumb ass called Naija…I just wanted to talk to Kunsh, like he could somehow appear and make it alright ….he didn’t pick up… I was tired, and I needed to lie down, in the morning I can figure this out. I was led to a cell that had just a flat board…. poor excuse for a bed, a sink and a toilet! It smelled like hell….I haven’t been to hell but I am pretty sure this is how it smells! I decided to pray. “Dear God…it’s me again. I know there is nothing you can’t do but if this is one of those things that is meant to teach me a lesson…Please God…I get it…let me out of here…if you won't (cause I know you can) kill me now, because there is no way I can survive in here…watch my baby for me please God…Amen”

Friday, December 01, 2006

Dami's Birthday
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My baby girl’s birthday was on Tuesday. I totally forgot, I called her to yarn nonsense, she had a party in MD and I couldn’t make it so I was checking on her to see how the party went; I quickly dismissed her for another call. When I got home Ade asked me if I was going out for dinner…the hell? “No! For what? With who?” I attacked her. “Its Dami’s birthday” she responded. I felt like a complete idiot! Are you serious! OMG!! I spoke with the twit today and she did not say shit, she must be enjoying this! I called Dami to apologize and made her a bunch of promises I am sure to break. Well there goes my plans to make obe buka and plantain for dinner. I shoved my meat back in the freezer and touched up my face for dinner. More American food ARRRRGGGGHHHHH why cant there be one Naija joint serving Amala and gbegiri for a change! LP came to join us and we headed out to six forks. We made a quick stop to pick up cake, flowers and cards for Dami. What I really wanted to get her was a banging top and some shoes, Dami has fabulous taste just like her mama…hehehe.
So dinner was great, everyone came through to show Dami some love. Twisted Forks was the restaurant of choice…ok food I guess, but don’t ask me, I don’t like American food. Hell I coulda cooked up some shit for the crew and it would cost ¼ of what we spent out there. We hung out for a bit afterwards. Ade had to go to work so, LP and I were stranded. How about we piled ourselves in Tola’s rental. Tola is here from Naija fro a few days.Dupe, Dami Demi, LP, Funmi, Tola, Oby and Mua all in one car, it was a riot! Oby gave me some egusi her mum made and best believe I made Amala when I got home. It was the bomdigiddy! Who needs soufflé minion when you got amala and egusi!! Slept like an absolute baby!

Dami's Birthday

Damilola Banwo…I love you girl but you already know this. I am proud of all you do and I am certain that your future will be brighter than even you can fathom. Today and always…May you be too relevant to be ignored, May you encounter God and never remain the same, May the grace for completion come on you. You shall be blessed till the blessed call you blessed….Amen

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The Odds are against me but pile up enough Odds and you are Even. The inevitability of my ability to consistently overcome overwhelms me. As do the magnificence of God's grace towards me and mine. I marvel at my proximity to my destiny. I am astounded that Can't, Won't and Later disrupt my journey to greatness. A conscious decision is mine to make and christen them Can, Will and Now! My reflection gazes back at me with another challenge at hand, procrastination hinders my reaching my destination. Don't tell me where I should go till you walk in my shoes. Yesterdays mistakes are for tomorrows amends, yet I ponder on them like the hand of time changes? Mediocrity has become a comfort zone and I have turned obstacles into road-blocks rather than stepping-stones, I find myself compromising my integrity as I try to maintain the status quo. How easy it is to condemn me and defame my character, when you really should commend me, and applaud my efforts. Intimidated by my confidence, you misconstrue it as arrogance, I know who I am.... A strong, black-diamond in the rough, a female soldier, a Queen amongst her peers.. now who the hell are you?